" She felt numb and hollow and would hate the company of others always waiting for the moment she could isolate herself and not have to deal with it all, always lost in her own mind, never fully there. I think she drowned herself just to feel something, I honestly do. She believed strongly that the euphoric feeling that would follow could be something greater then herself or any of us, anything just to make her feel and to make up for the constant heaviness of loss; to penetrate through the numb blanket she sheltered herself with, for no substantial reason at all. She was indecisive about whether she wanted to keep living or not, what a weird thing to admit but we would discuss life and death a lot and the meaning of both. Don’t let the cowardly thoughts fool you though, I would often think, indecision is still a decision and death was something she liked to think she welcomed with open arms. "